FLAP JACK HIGH
I always forget what it does to me, till I do it again. Then I say, “I won’t do that again for a while.” I’ve lost track of all the things this applies to in my life. Yesterday, it was the pancakes. I mixed that powder up with water, threw in some grated apples, some cinnamon, some raisins, cooked up about eight of ’em and doused that shiz with real maple syrup. Washed it down with some fresh coffee and I was high high high. The sugar had taken hold of me, lifted me up and then bitch slapped me down into the depths of despair. Unable to function, I grabbed the camera and went out on my pancake acid trip.
Habitually, I stop at the farmers market. Like a dog catching the scent of another in heat, I followed a few girls around with skimpy halters and linen draw string pants. All I saw for a while was jiggly butts, tan shiny round shoulders, teasing tattoos and magnificently shadowed collar bones. Then, I naturally fell upon a pot of flapjacks. That’s what the guy said they were called anyway. Some kind of succulents he said…
How odd, me buzzing around trying to climb out of my sugar drop and bump into a pot of flapjacks. I walked a little further and found my old friends the orchids. Naturally, I thought I have plenty of those. Why would I take another? But, they were so erotic, I had to have them. I had to dive right into the center of their spread wide petals. I wanted to mate with them but didn’t know why.
First came the yellow-red rusty lipped one. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to rub the back of her leaves and just push my face into her magenta veins… till I noticed a whole lot more magenta.
This other one commanded respect. She wanted to be courted, dated and then properly assaulted. Luckily these flowers don’t flutter their leaves for that would be too compelling for the ordinary passerby. Deep red splashes with a naked white center. Ooh. “Look at my yellow dots.” This one I just wanted to play with, tickle and make my pet.
Then, I saw the white one, I almost died. My knees buckled out from under me and had I not grabbed the pole holding up the display tent, I would have surely prostrated myself in prayer. Such virgin white fluffy arrows pulled back like a proud woman pushing out her center. That’s when I got hypnotized by the tiger in the middle. I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at the tiny roaring tiger in the middle of angel innocence. So delicate yet so luring.
I felt like I was at a beauty pageant and each Orchid was more beautiful than the one before it. This one with the water-color magenta dripped across the white spread was more psychedelic than if I had 12 pancakes coated in honey drawn from bees who pollinated pot plants. Watching too much Law and Order made this a crime scene because of the blood spatter pattern with yellow alien eyes looking out at me. I knew I was losing it and had to move on.
I stopped at this candy corn looking succulent. How does nature produce this shiz? My ears got hot and I started to get a head ache from staring deep into the colors and shapes. I imagined them as giant graphics on my walls. I started to compose an interior scheme of massive orchids and succulents.
Then I met the plum freckled fella with the orange mustache and the undershot smile. “Run. Run as fast as you can. If you stare too long, they will seduce you and turn you into one, like they did me.” I moved my eye away from the camera to see if he really did speak to me… and decided to move on. Clearly I was having some type of psychotic episode with an Alice in Wonderland chaser. I poured some Fiji Apple Water down my throat and hoped my sugar levels would balance out soon.
I found my way to Marina Jacks and walked slowly through the park. The Banyan trees had new meaning to me in my flap jacked state. How do these vines knot themselves? Do little fairies come out at night and braid nature’s strands?
What sort of chaos feeds on itself and clumps itself into braids like the hair on a suburban white kid musician, wanting to look like a Rasta man feeling his ire. Do some tattooed pierced groupie girls come to the tree at night and palm roll the tree’s dreads? I just stood and stared at the knot. After a while, some lady also came up to the knot with her little pocket camera and shot it. “They’re beautiful aren’t they?” she said to me. I was amazed that another human saw me and spoke to me, much less felt the same way I did about the stupid knot. I felt so dumb being so drawn into this hanging ball of lightning.
Just then another lizard or one related to all the other ones flipped me his strawberry.
He wanted to show me he wasn’t scared of me so he just sat there and let me get real close and shoot his tiny dinosaur head. I loved the way his little green dots matched the moss on the branch. Someday, I’m sure clothing technology will make a virtual tie that randomized colors and patterns to best match suits and sport jackets. Sort of like a Kindle that contains thousands of books in one screen, but this one will contain matching variables for men’s wear. I heard somewhere in Israel they have a flexible display that’s as thin as cloth.
I found my way to a bench at the tip of the park. I sat there and felt the wind blow at me as the sun warmed me and listened to the water wash the rocks. I closed my eyes and let the breeze rinse out my stress for about a half hour. So soothing, the wind, the water, the sun.
Then I rambled on and discovered a water park filled with children playing.
I was a little self-conscious so as to not look deviant, but the sun was over my shoulder and I was on a hill and just knew I’d catch one or two great shots. As the water shot out of the ground, I watched the children try to hold onto it. Sometimes in my life, when a great thing happens, that’s what it feels like to me… desperately trying to freeze time and hold onto water that is shooting up right in front of me. Only, with this picture, I did freeze it, own it and can hold onto the dreamy moment for as long as I want.
As I left the park and felt myself come down, I passed a little fountain peeking through banana leaves. It shouted out, “I’m here too… you can’t see me as well as all the other pretty things, but I’m here too…”
I got it in honor of all the hidden beauty that exists around us that is much less obvious, I froze time for this little babbling fountain.
Barry Stein's Blog 
omg what a story teller you are…mesmerized! Tell me you’re a writer, go ahead…
the pics are ahhhmazing, your humor brilliant! I’m a huge fan 😉
Hi Roxie. Yes, I’m officially a degree carrying, article published writer. I hope to write more silly stories and get published in a big way some day. Thank you for kind words on the pics and funnies. 😉 I’m a big fan of yours as well.
see now I have egg all over my face, I read your bio after I wrote my comment…and you’re humoring me, but I’ll take the compliment 🙂