EXPRESS CHECKOUT
Let’s see, what should it be? Should it be about the package of skinless, boneless, chicken thighs that smelled a bit like ass before I shook and baked them; only to find that they smelled like Shaked ‘n Baked barbecued ass after they were cooked? And no, I didn’t eat them for fear of catching who knows what kind of ass vacating episode I might contract.
Should it be about the Big Band Gala I attended the other night, where the room was filled with Octogenerians, floating around the dance floor like Fred Astaire in the rotating tea cup ride at the carnival? Or perhaps I could dish about the very nice lady I sat next to at the ball, with the extremely tall Lynx hat with matching fur shawl? She had on some amazing vintage jewelry including a pair of magnificent clip on earrings that resembled Lt. Uhura’s communicator, that was always hanging out of her ear. Or how I saw the room full of fundraisers as competing non-profit gangs, ready to rumble for donor turf? I don’t know; I think my prize from that evening was meeting the guy who conceived of Harry Potter World, located at Universal Studios. Supposedly he is best buds with Ronnie Howard and Stevie Spielberg and my guess is he could get my script read by either one of them.
I might pitch something like, “Ronnie, loved you in Mayberry RFD, though I always felt Don Knots stole the show. Hey listen, I wrote this script, pretty similar to that movie you made a while back called, Cocoon; anyway, my script is a bit like Cocoon meets Thelma and Louise with a little Golden Girls mixed in there. Whataya think?”
Maybe there is something on my Facebook page to scribble about? Here’s one, a quote by Voltaire, “Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~ Voltaire (1694-1778); Philosopher, Essayist. Hmmm, I’ve always thought this. When one of us advances, we all advance or when one of us inquires about the innocuous and discovers a new way to see a thing that has always been there right along, this too belongs to all of us.
I guess I’ll get back to learning this software program I bought online the other day. You know it was the most amazing thing. One minute I’m researching continuing education programs in my area, the next minute I’m researching something I read about in a syllabus for a Photography course, the next minute, I’m on this website for photo editing software and I get a pop up that someone wants to text with me. You know, like an instant message salesperson. All of a sudden, I’m at the mercy of some lady named “Iris”, obviously picked for the photo pun name, and a minute later, I’m giving her my credit card to buy the software and a text book that teaches me how to use it. Can you imagine if every time you landed on a site, researching something you were curious about buying and at your peak of curiosity, buying impulse and ignorance you get pitched by a sexy texter?! It’s the next wave of sales my friends, text marketing!
My belly is filled with hot nutty dark coffee made from my 12 oz pound of Starbucks grind, served up with toasted raisin pecan brown rice bread, spread with an ocean wave of tan gritty Mighty Maple peanut butter and some slimy sweet slices of banana just born from its slightly black spotted pale yellow peel. If that’s not a breakfast for blabbing champions, I don’t know what is. Hmmm, where’s my 5 hour energy drink?
Barry Stein's Blog 
“When one of us inquires about the innocuous and discovers a new way to see a thing that has always been there right along, this too belongs to all of us.”
This is what defines good art for me; articulating what leaves others speechless, shining a different light on an old and ubiquitous concept. That’s why I love to read me some daily Stein. I light up every time I get the email notification: “Barry posted? HELL YES, PLEASE.”